


The Courage To Start Over

by Greenerin



Category: Noir (Anime)
Genre: F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 09:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10738878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenerin/pseuds/Greenerin
Summary: [A REALLY OLD STORY FROM MY FF.NET ACCOUNT. Originally published at 8/22/2011]Kirika x Mireille, Romance, Kirika's POV.When girls return home after the events of the anime, Mireille wants to have a serious talk with Kirika.





	The Courage To Start Over

Today is a really nasty day. Raindrops falling down from the sky make it even grayer than it actually is.

I like rain. It is similar to tears – to all those which I couldn't weep out through all my life. Could not – till.. I met her. The person who made me feel. The person who became everything for me. The one to whom I brought so much pain. Mireille. _Mireyu._

 _.._ She's sitting at her favorite pool table spacing out. It's not the first time I notice she's not concentrating at her laptop. It's been happening pretty often since we left the Manor with all our enemies behind us. It has already been a month. My wound is almost healed now, thanks to Mireille's diligence and patience.

We talk.. not quite often. It feels like we both prefer not to touch some topics we really need to discuss. I just don't know what to do, how to show her that I'd sacrifice anything in this world to wash away all the dread and grief that I've ever brought into her life. I know it's impossible – what's done is done. And it tears me apart from the depth of my soul. This first class assassin, this woman wearing a simple red top who is now narrowing her eyes thoughtfully, could forgive me – but never ever forget. I murdered her family. Destroyed her happy future which was so possible. And that was me who was the reason of her uncle's death. But nevertheless she left me alive after all. And she came for me _there_. I still don't know why. Because I'm terribly scared to think about the reason why. When I start thinking that she cares about me and needs me – then I understand straight away that I could never ever repay her for her kindness, that she can't want such a person to be by her side. It hurts. I fell into my own trap. And Mireille is a lure in this trap, because.. I love her. I've been conscious about it since long ago when I wrote her that letter, and I'm hundred times more conscious of it right now. And it's totally impossible for me to talk to her about my feelings. I'm afraid to lose her. And as I'm watching her being deep in her thoughts once again, I'm asking myself – what if she's thinking about me? Maybe she regrets that she didn't leave me in the Manor, didn't let me fall into that fire pit. Maybe.. She still wants to kill me? No, I reject this thought firmly. She doesn't want to destroy me, it's clear. She's very sincere, my Mireyu. She couldn't be able to hide the hatred in her eyes if she really felt it towards me. But.. It's possibly too hard for her to live here with me. I'm staying at her place now – the same one where we have been living for so long and that was ruined by the Soldats before. When we returned home – "home", so that's what it means for me.. – there was a real chaos here. It seemed everything was crashed. In spite of that the flat still remained strangely cozy after Mireille had made the cleaning and bought some new things.

I know I can't always depend on her, but I.. need much more power to go away. I'm becoming weak even just imagining my life without Mireyu. When I left her that time, I was ready to find my death and to free this girl from my existence at last. Nevertheless, just a simple thought that I'll have to part with her makes me miserable now.

But I have to become stronger. For her sake, I just have to.

..She keeps staring at the wall not showing if she's aware that I'm watching her. Then suddenly she clenches her fists and turns to me abruptly.

"Kirika." I really love when she pronounces my name, but now I feel tense hearing her voice. "We need to talk."

It seems that my heart is falling somewhere into the stomach. Seconds pass in the silence. I'm sweating, being not a cold-hearted assassin right now, not a part of Noir, but just a mere human. I'm afraid to death of what I can hear from her now. She stands up from her rolling chair and approaches me. She's pale, I notice automatically. There's also nervousness in her eyes – because of what?

She comes closer and opens her mouth slightly, wishing to say something. During these seconds the results of my imagination are running through my mind – pictures of how she asks me to leave her. Images of my life turning to ashes without those special, bright, vivid colors and emotions that she spreads. I shiver unconsciously, looking attentively into her blue eyes. What will she say? What will I have to accept from her? For whatever it would be, I will accept it without any doubts.

"Please, listen to me, Kirika. I, er.. I know I should've come to you earlier with such talk, but I couldn't." to my surprise her voice, always so confident, is trembling slightly. "The thing is.. I should hate you for all you did to me when I was a child, shouldn't I? But I.. just definitely can't. When you pleaded to kill you – that time, at the cemetery, my finger couldn't pull the trigger." she pauses for a while, searching for words. "Because you were the target. Yes, I was terribly hurt. I wanted to defeat you but there wasn't any possibility that I'd be happy after that. My revenge.. It wouldn't make sense to avenge on the person who has been staying by my side for such a long time. Who became as close to me as nobody in this world since my childhood. And you.. You were also shocked and frightened by the truth we acknowledged about our past, weren't you? And it made you not at fault somehow. _They_ were. The Soldats. The murderers, pitiless beasts, the ones whom I'll never forgive. But.. Not you."

I listen to Mireille, forgetting how to breath because of nervousness. She inhales deeply as if she's forcing herself to speak in spite of all the things that make it complicated for her.

She continues.

"At that moment I didn't understand it, for sure. I definitely wished to destroy you, to forget you, to rip you out of my thoughts forever.. But as I was sitting here when you went to the Manor, I.. realized that it wouldn't help me. It wouldn't help me at all. And then.. I found your letter, you know, Kirika." she smiles slightly. "And I felt at last how miserable I would be without your presence in my life. You were the one I almost hated that time, but it could in no way change the fact that I loved you. Yes, I love you, Kirika. I don't understand how it turned to this, but that's the truth.

As soon as I acknowledged it, I knew definitely that I couldn't leave you to _them_. I came to that place not knowing what I was going to do – to kill you, to save you or to die myself. But when I saw you.. I knew the answer already. I wanted to go home with you. I wished to share with you the taste of that tea you make for us, to feel your back pressed to mine as we sleep together. I need your love, your body and soul. I.. You became so much important for me, Kirika. And I don't want to remember anything else except the time we shared together. So.. Will you stay by my side forever? You'd better say yes, because.. I don't know yet what I would do if you refuse." that's how she finishes her monologue, her beautiful eyes are worried, angry and oh, so humane.

I can't believe my ears. What was it right now? Does she really want me to stay? She said it – she needs me? She.. loves me?

All this time I've been too scared to imagine such situation. But now I'm not. I feel how the tension leaves me little by little. My heart is already beating like crazy but it starts pounding even faster. I feel the salt on my lips and look at her widened eyes merely understanding that I'm crying. Then I simply touch her hand and say: "I don't deserve you, Mireille."

"The thing is," she smirks, "that if _I_ ever deserved anyone in this life, it's definitely you."

I can say no more. That's why I take her hand gently and kiss her palm. Then I whisper watching her beautiful face:

"To spend my life with you is all I could ever hope for."

After that I suddenly hug her with all my might. This action surprises even me, showing how deeply I've been lacking this girl's warmth through all this time. She makes a soft satisfied chuckle nuzzling my hair, then draws me closer gently, and starting from that moment all I can feel is the strength of her embrace, the warmth of her body and her soft fingers caressing my face.

I love you, Mireille. And I believe you love me. So let's make another step together.

And all the following steps.

_The end_


End file.
